How to Become an HSHAB Member
by Inexorable
Summary: Krad gives you eight important pieces of advice to become a successful Hot, Sexy, Homicidal, Angeliclooking, Blonde HSHAB member. Oh, and take notes lest you want to die by Krad's hands.


AN: So…this is like the companion fic to _Thieving Advice_ although you don't have to read that to read this. This time, instead of Dark telling you how to steal, Krad tells you how to be a successful HSHAB member.

Disclaimers: Oh, how I wish I owned this wonderful series! But I don't. So I cry. And stuff.

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**How to Become an HSHAB Member**

So, I've noticed that the thief has published a guide on how to become a thief. And I also noticed that many people actually read and reviewed the guide. Now, this piece of information that I have gathered has made me sad. Why would you want to become a thief? That job is so overrated…What you need is a better job. A job that commands respect. A job that is more gratifying than just stealing a few things here and there. Yes. That's right. I'm talking about becoming a HSHAB member.

Now, I'm taking time out of my busy schedule of killing Dark and thinking of ways to kill Dark to teach you how to become a HSHAB member. So you better listen well and take notes. Or I'll come by to your house later and kill you.

**One: Are you a blonde?**

The most important feature of a HSHAB member is their blonde hair. Whether it be long or short, wavy or straight, spiky or flat, blonde hair is crucial. It is the very first thing people use to find out who is a HSAB member and who isn't.

And if you don't have blonde hair? Well, you can either dye your hair and don't join. Your choice, you idiot.

**Two: Are you hot and/or sexy?**

As the acronym suggests, we have to be hot and/or sexy in order to be in this HSHAB group. Otherwise it would just be the HAB group. And that isn't very much fun, now is it?

Also, if you're not sexy, then you're making _me_ look bad. And when I look bad, I get angry. And you do not want to deal with an angry Krad (if you don't believe me, go and ask the stupid thief. He's at least smart enough to know danger when he sees it.).

**Three: Are you angelic-looking?**

This one is easy enough to pull off so I wouldn't worry about it if I were you (and if you are worrying about it, I _will_ hurt you.). Just wear white clothing or have white wings or both (if you're having a hard time becoming angelic-looking, refer to me as an example. But then again, if you need to refer to me, you are an idiot and not worth my time.)

**Four: Are you homicidal?**

Do you have those annoying hero-like urges where you just _can't_ hurt anything, even if it's a stupid little fly? Are you afraid to go out hurt someone? Do you burst into tears when you see road kill? Do you get sick to your stomach whenever you see blood?

If you have answered yes to any of these questions, I would suggest another job should be at hand for you (just as long as it's not thieving).

**Five: Do you hate thieves?**

As we will dedicate our lives to hunting and killing thieves, I really hope that you don't love them. Thieves are evil. They steal things. They do bad stuff. (No, members of the HSHAB are not evil because we kill thieves for the good of mankind…We are mankind's fierce protectors—oh, who am I kidding? Yes, we're evil! Good god, are you so stupid that you had to think about that twice?)

Of course, hating and killing thieves is all well and good, but if you ever even _think _about hurting Dark, then I'll kill you. Dark is _my_ thief. So hands off.

**Six: Do you like anonymity? **

Face it; unlike Dark or any big-shot thieves, you're not going to be on television. Your picture won't be printed in the newspaper, not even the local ones. We HSHAB members pride themselves on secrecy and anonymity. We'll never have fangirls or fanboys chasing after us because they saw us in the late evening news, nor will we have housewives everywhere sighing over our good looks. We. Don't. Do. Publicity.

**Seven: Are you the brightest crayon in the box?**

Hopefully you have a quick and an analytical mind. Do you have to ask Dark questions about me so you don't make me angry? While I appreciate you trying to please me…You should be smart enough to realize what I like and what I don't like. (i.e. I don't like thieves. I like the color white.) And don't think you can go and sneak off to ask Dark a question. I _will_ find out. I might not find out from you, but I _will_ find out from Dark. (What, do you think we try to kill each other every day? I'll let you in on a secret: On Wednesdays we meet at a local café and talk over tea and biscuits on the meaning of life…and what idiocies Dark's thieves-in-trainings are and my HSHAB-in-training members are.)

**Eight: Do you want to usurp people of their positions of power?**

More specifically, do you like usurping _me_ out of _my_ position of power? If you do…Then, please stand off to the side right now. Those who don't want to usurp me of my power, please stand next to me.

I like you people who want to usurp people of their positions of power. It tells me that you're ambitious, a little power-hungry, and that you've got guts. You need all of these in order to become a good member of the HSHAB corporation. However, this all changes when the person you want to usurp happens to be a HSHAB member named Krad. When you try to take over my position of power…Well…I'll just show you how scary I can get.

And to those who don't want to usurp power from me: let this be a valuable lesson. Do _not_ usurp my power or I'll be mad and you'll be dead.

So, what did you learn from all of this? Hopefully you learned that thieves are stupid, HSHAB members are good, and to piss me off is a sure way to die a slow and painful death.

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AN: Well…I don't think it's as good as _Thieving Advice_ but…Oh, and I'm not making anymore of these "guide" thingies. I don't have any ideas for any of the other characters so…Yeah, only Dark and Krad are special enough to have their guide thingies. Also, thank you for all my reviewers who reviewed _Thieving Advice_. It was possibly the most amount of reviews I ever got in such a short amount of time…Thank you very much, all! 


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